The Primer #1

It's the end of August, and you know what that means, a few decent games are haphazardly released amidst the otherwise ghost town of the game industry (Summer) in hopes to rack up some sales before the fall blockbusters (Fable 2, Fallout 3, The Force Unleashed, amidst others) destroy any chance of publicity or recognition. With that in mind, take a few moments to sit back, grab a beer (Oberon, if possible) and skim through my enumerated ramblings (1-10) of the latest goings on in the gaming industry.

#1 Too Human debuts

So I'm messing around with a new Microsoft Paint-esque alternative for Mac, bear with it, as I attempt to learn all of this.

That's right, Too Human, the latest offering from Silicon Knights, hit most store shelves a little over a week ago, in America. The consensus, at least from the first wave of reviews is that the game is bearable, scoring roughly a composite 6.9 on Metacritic and a 69% percent on Gamerankings, while the scores might seem redundant, 99% of the time the two sites do not cite the exact same list of sources, or weigh them equally. Apparently, if you enjoy dungeon-crawling, sitting around comparing the defense power of armors, poor camera controls, and a vague story, it might be your thing. Gamespot, however, decided that they were going to be a little less kind, and toss Dennis Dyack's Norse epic a 5.5 out of 10. Click here to read the details.

2. The game tie-in for Batman: The Dark Knight has apparently been given the big thumbs down by either the higher-ups at developer Pandemic Studios or publisher EA. Apparently, according to Australian Gamer, too many deadlines weren't met, and someone decided to, as Kotaku wrote "cut their losses." Check out the story link here at Kotaku, but keep in mind, this is still just a rumor. Some thought that the delay was so that it could be a tie-in for when the film hit DVD, but perhaps that was wrong as well.

Why...So...CANCELED?

3. Gears of War II exclusivity

Apparently Gears of War II is now going to be, in the immortal words of the scuzzbag lead designer of the Gears of War series, Cliffy B, that the next game will NOT be coming to PC. Of course, those of us that have seen the exclusivity rights of games trampled on quicker than a morbidly obese man in the "Running of the Bulls," and the fact that any popular game on 360 has inevitably ended up on PC, know that Cliffy B is a liar. And a douchebag. And, in my opinion, an emotionally retarded freak with ADHD that was somehow trusted with a large amount of money. But, mostly, a douchebag. And, if you don't believe me (about the exclusivity rights, not the douchebag part) check this out.

And...for those of you that were unconvinced about the "Cliffy B being a douchebag" statement...I offer "exhibit A."

4. Ghost...Busted?

According to Kotaku and those who happened to have pre-ordered Ghostbusters at Gamestops across the nation, apparently the pre-orders have been canceled. For those of you who remember the whole Sierra debacle from a few months ago (and for those of you who don't, just play along convincingly, nod your head and whatnot) a large amount of Sierra titles got nixed in the Activision/Blizzard merger. This included Brutal Legend, Bourne games, and, of course, Ghostbusters. Developer Terminal Reality claims that they were going to have the game published.

Please, of course note, that this is not the same thing as actually having a publisher. And while neither Sierra or Terminal Reality have commented on this yet, one can only assume that the pulling of the pre-orders is not a good thing. Seeing that they already put Brutal Legend, the brainchild of Tim Schafer (the genius behind Grim Fandango and Psychonauts) out on the street, forced to fend for its own in the proverbial dumpster bins of second-rate publishers, doing the same to Ghostbusters would likely make me put Blizzvision, Actizzard or whatever you want to call the Blizzard/Activision merger third on the "sheer evil" list behind Hitler and Satan.

It goes without mentioning that Ghostbusters is not a strong advocate of literacy

5. Chrono Trigger for the DS coming to America FIRST?

Other than the Final Fantasy games where the protagonist looks like he's about to audition for a cameo on The Hills and uses more makeup than a Cher revival tour, Chrono Trigger is one of the most beloved RPGs for the SNES, as well as overall. And...it's also debuting for the DS on September 25th...two days before Japan. Now...listen...if America has fond memories of this game, and possibly has it framed on their wall, had their senior pictures taken with it, the Japanese have set up a pagan shrine to honor Squaresoft's other series. This is not going to go over well, considering, unless I'm drastically wrong, it was a Japanese branch of Square Enix that made the port.

That being said, expect Pearl Harbor II to also debut by the end of the year.

Yes...I know it violates the laws of physics to have hair like that...and I'm aware that evolution has not yet gotten to a point where an anthropomorphic frog learns the ways of the sword, and I understand that people don't have flamethrowers concealed in their fingertips...but it's a game, roll with it.

6. Castle Crashers FINALLY shows up

Castle Crashers, the game from artsy indie studio The Behemoth, best known for their previous title Alien Hominid, which premered on Newgrounds and later on the Gamecube, finally decided to show up on Xbox Live. Imagine this, multiplayer mayhem meets a franetic Saturday morning cartoon visual style meets copious amounts of pixelated blood and destruction. And...for those of you that are "visual learners":

Here's a close-up at one of the knights you can control with some sort of ice-powers...I would presume, using my detective skills I gleaned from Encyclopedia Brown novels

Anytime cuteness and over-the-top violence are combined with such a wonderful artistic flair, well, I kinda tear up

7. Viva Pinata 3 is BUSTED!!!

(I can't think of many jokes about Pinatas, other than that they encourage children to commit acts of brutality against animal shaped organisms, thereby unconsciously conditioning them to the act of animal abuse, albeit, in a children's party scenario.)

According to the lead designer of Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise, a third installment in the series, is not going to happen anytime soon. Check out the article on Destructoid right here. Personally, I think it's probably a good idea. It was game, meant for children, that in order to really progress, could not be played by a child. I mean, in order to get one species, you had to attract two of another species, get them to mate, then get one to be eaten by the primary species you want to attract, while still leaving enough of them to continue breeding them as well. Like I said, for an ADHD riddled four-year-old, it ain't going to fly.

Rare says they'll be working on something "new." "New" will hopefully not mean a Grabbed by the Ghoulies sequel, or another broken Perfect Dark follow-up.

*Sigh* The box art says it all...it really doesn't need anything else said.

8. Brett Ratner returns...sadly

Brett Ratner, the director that has already ruined the X-Men films (he directed the third one) and is on his way to ruining the Beverely Hills Cop series (as he is directing the third installment) has decided that he wants to make another film...based upon...ready...ready...GUITAR HERO.

*Collective sigh*

here's what he wrote

"I'm trying to convince them...It could be about a kid from a small town who dreams of being a rock star and he wins the Guitar Hero competition. One of these dreams-[come-true] kind of concepts."

While the rest of the article at Gamespot can be found here, does anyone think this could even be bearable? Like, I don't think it even has a sliver of a chance. Then again, I'm not super keen on Guitar Hero, so at least it won't hit too "close to home" like when he did X-men, provided that the film industry gives him the "green light" to film it.

Which...they're stupid...so they will.

If seeing this promotional poster doesn't make your blood boil...well...then good day to you, sir. Not even the fact that it's in some eastern European language can ameliorate the hatred I have for Brett RATner.

9. Ninja Millions 2

According to Microsoft, Ninja Gaiden II, the most recent installment in the Gaiden series, has now sold over a million copies.

In my opinion, this also makes it the most purchased game that was successfully completed by under a dozen of its purchasers.

And...with this picture, I have now reached the mandated limit of "no more than two screenshots of overmasculated protagonists sporting claw-like features" for a blog entry

10. Viral Marketing at its Finest

So, here's one of the more notable things that went down at Penny Arcade's Expo: Shave your head, have "HELL" spraypainted on the back of it, and the developers of Brother in Arms: Hell's Highway, will send you a real copy of the game. Like, a retail 60 dollar game that isn't out yet...so would you do it? Sadly, I would...at least for a while. I don't mind being a corporate pawn for what will likely be a good title.

60 Dollar Game for free vs. possibly thought to be a skinhead?

Well, those are your ten points for the weekend, hope this somewhat keeps you up to date with the goings-on in the gaming world.

--Nick

Just a little "heads up"

I haven't quite figured out if it's my browser settings, net speed, or the gravitational pull of the earth, but in some places, if viewing the general page for my blog, large gaps (where I'll usually say a video clip should be) are appearing. I'm not quite sure, but the clips seem to show up when you click on the heading of the post, and go to the exclusive page for the post itself. I'm going to e-mail blogger and ask just WTF is going on, but until then, just follow the advice above, and things should run smoothly


--Nick

Reflections on the Schizophrenic Personality of Blacksite: Area 51

Black guy? Check. Tough badass (and possibly skinhead?) with excessive tribal tattoos? Check. Another average white male like yourself? Check. Game about to go where quite a few games have gone before? Check.

Blacksite: Area 51 can succinctly be likened to that that less-than-intelligent friend of yours (and if you're hanging around with a group of people that are all smarter than you, consider this your belated suggestion to find new friends) who frequently misuses large "SAT equivalent" vocabulary terms in a futile attempt to appear smarter. See, Blacksite (and very effectively, I might add) marketed their title to two different demographics. "Hardcore" gamers and gaming blog frequenters like myself were told that we were going to get a narrative FPS, along the lines of Bioshock and The Darkness, with storyline that was multi-layered (but not in a HALO "nobody reads the stupid fanfic or paperback shit novels" or cares about the tech mumbo-jumbo sort of way). The other targeted market was the "HALO crowd needing another fix" demographic...and it's a disturbingly large and growing group...that only needed to be shown a thirty second TV spot with a gas tanker or two exploding, and after heaving down a handful of Ritalin, begged their parents to buy it for Christmas. I've put the trailer right below, for your viewing convenience:

And, much like Hirohito and Hitler, Midway Games prayed that these two groups would never meet; that the elitist hipsters and adrenaline junkies would keep to their respective "lanes" lest the world implode. They figured that us bloggers would never look up to watch cable tv or, worse, get our gaming news from X-PLAY, and that the Halo junkies would never view the Internet as anything more than a glorified portal to the world of pornography. And...to a greater extent...they were right. And while neither party involved was shocked to the extent of "Hey, you stuck your shitty Halo knock-off in my narrative fps" or vice versa, both were quite surprised with how shittily their respective element was integrated. Blacksite's story goes something like this: *SPOILERS* You're the leader of an elite squad of...blah...blah...blah...that is in Iraq clearing out a chemical testing facility that results in the stock enemy of the game switching from the ever-recently popular "terrorist" to the age-old favorite of "mutated supersoldier." Your superiors of course write it off as being complications of encephalitis, something that I didn't exactly buy, despite my extensive medical knowledge amounting to playing Operation! by Parker Bros. as a kid. Several years later your team is reassembled to find out why the US military has lost contact with the original squad that was send to dispose of a heavily-armed militia camped out in an abandoned military facility in Area 51. Here's a tip...nobody has ever "lost contact" in an action game/film because they forgot to charge their phone the night before. You're chosen, of course, because you were the last people to actually fight the aliens that the military accidentally neglects to mention.

See, the disturbing thing is there are usually much scarier things lurking around in trailer parks...things that also happen to be registered on the sex offenders list.

From here, the storyline can best be expressed by the phrase "I can't believe that my government would do that...but they did." For those of us who haven't watched the world engage in mutually assured destruction over the past several decades or (insert joke about watching copious amounts of Fox News here) you might actually utter this. The rest of you, being the intelligent and hip gaming community that you are, may find the game's agenda a little...overt. If Bioshock stealthily entered the doors of our conscious mind to warn us about the dangers of a laissez faire society, Midway's critique of the US government is employing a titanium-coated battering ram. If you're already showing, than why the hell are you telling? These are the basic principles of narrative construction that we learned in grade school, people. Either give us a basic, but succinct reason for why I am killing a large amount of digital beings, and then leave me to my massacre of polygons...or provide me with a carefully constructed narrative that doesn't insult the player's intelligence.

The graphics are proof that Epic's Unreal engine is capable of looking good, though not stunning, when in the hands of someone other than its own creators. Character models, like those of Dr. Noa Weis and Grayson, are detailed and well animated. Environments tend to suffer from a lack of variety (Iraq and New Mexico just happen to look the same to me, at least from a desert standpoint) but they are also of a good graphical fidelity, if just uninspired.

Note to developers: the Unreal engine will keep your game from looking like an unholy shitstorm of pixelated mess, but it will not make your game stand out. All of the pixel shaders and bump mapping in the world cannot compensate for a lack of talent in the artistic dept. Bad games have licensed it (Hour of Victory, Turok) as well as good ones (Bioshock, Mass Effect) so to say that the Unreal Engine can "make or break" a game is absolutely ridiculous. In the case of Blacksite, let it be said that all the impressive features of Unreal will not automatically root out all of the glitches in this game: enemies getting stuck on walls, weapons dropped by enemies that happen to float in the air, like cheesy power-ups in Contra, allies that apparently have developed teleportative abilites in their free time. These are simple, fixable things, weapons that fall where the corpse that previously held them did, isn't a newfound phenomenon, and it's certainly not something that should be accepted in a next-gen title.

Please, PLEASE note the Saddam poster in the upper left, I missed it when I was playing

The sound elements have much in common with the visual presentation; a mantra of 'solid, but not memorable" is the most fitting. There isn't an "Andrew Ryan" performance here, but neither is there the grating voice acting of the Resident Evil series. Equally "hit and miss' is the dialogue. For every time your boneheaded squadmate follows up shooting his gun by saying "Made in America, baby!" only to have your more astute member remind him that, in actuality, the weapon was made in Germany, you have your "dime a dozen" machismo-riddled zingers like "that one won't be getting up," "BOOM" and etc.

While Blacksite is thankfully a "pick up and play" title (again, if that's what you're looking for) that's no guarantee that you'll be putting this title into the disc tray once you've routed this human/alien hybrid threat. Sure, there are dossier files hidden around each level that give backstory on weapons, character bios, and newspaper clippings that attempt to tie over Blacksite and its predecessor, Area 51, but not only are they not that interesting, but with the levels being highly linear and limited in scope and scale, it's hard not to miss then on a first playthrough of the game. I myself finished the game with about 87% of them without necessarily trying. Also present is the obligatory "if there's a shooter, than there has to be" multiplayer. It suffices to say that its got your usual modes of carnage-laden combat, and brings nothing new to the table.

Overall synopsis: I've played games both better and worse than Blacksite. However, games in both categories were also much more memorable than Blacksite. It does just enough to stay above the standard set for a decent title, from a presentation standpoint, but lacks the polish (ie, technical glitches, underutilized squad morale system) to take steps towards the ever-elusive town of "Goodgamesville." If the price drops to twenty, and you need a "filler" for CoD or Halo, consider it. Otherwise, there are much better shooters, and much better games in general, to be found in the Xbox 360's software portfolio.

The Review (of reviews): The Darkness

The Darkness (videogame...not the 80s band)

Normally even the mention of another "comic book based" video game is enough to get behemoth-sized producers to sign on, and to have die-hard fans committing hari-kari, before a bastardized and digitalized version of the comic they once knew comes into fruition. After all, every Batman game comes with a certified "Seal of Mediocrity", and Superman games...well, they've at least wisened up to the point of promising any minimum level of quality. After the aneurism-inducing Superman 64 all bets were off.

Superman 64, a tell-tale sign that God is not pleased with mankind. Definitively the 11th plague that the Egyptians would have faced, after the whole first-born son killing thing.

I have to admit that my reaction to hearing that The Darkness was going to have a game adaption was along these lines as well. That is, until I caught wind that Starbreeze Studios, a fantastic studio located in Sweden was handling developmental duties. After all, their latest title The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay has the unique distinction of not only not meeting the international standards of "suckage" for a movie-adapted title, but was undeniably a better media product than its film counterpart, and was considered to be one of the best titles of 2004. Long story short, The Darkness was in good hands...after all, anyone that can get "Vin Diesel" and "critical acclaim" in the same sentence should start filling out an "application for sainthood" pronto.

One of the puzzle sequences in Escape From Butcher Bay has Vin Diesel, the academic wunderkind we all know him to be, stumped. Surprised?

All background aside, many of you might not be familiar with The Darkness, as a franchise. It started as a comic published by Top Cow back in the mid ninties and ran until about 2001. To certainly cut some corners, and gloss over much of it, the Darkness is one of several powerful entities (including Witchblade and The Angellus) that, while nobody knows how it showed up, has been around since the beginning of humanity. It requires a human host and is passed down paternally, the father dying in the process, and will manifest itself in the new host upon his 21st birthday. So yes, to borrow from Mean Girls, "If you have sex, you will die." Never before (aside from the movie Goldeneye) has this had such literal implications.

You play as Jackie Estacado, a hitman for his adopted father (and New York mob boss) Paulie Franchetti, and just on the eve of his 21st birthday. And as if being able to drink and harboring an ethereal demonic being with symbiotic tendencies wasn't enough, "Uncle Paulie" has put a "hit" out on you...one of the things that the mob tends to do particularly well. Should I also mention that you're trying to balance a relationship on top of all of this? In short, it's Sixteen Candles meets Army of Darkness, with a bit of Goodfellas mixed in for good measure. Needless to say, you're tasked with taking down Paulie and his operation (there's a...say...stronger motivating factor for doing such, but revealing that would be a big spoiler) while attempting to prevent The Darkness from gaining total control of its host (aka, you). Here's a look at the introduction to the game, which is immersive and interesting, but doesn't exactly reveal much:



"Blinded By The Light"...Isn't A Great Idea

By the end of the game, the mob will fear you, and New York will fear you, but lightbulb manufacturers worldwide will praise your name.

How does a single mobster assassin stand up to an entire crime syndicate without Rudi Guilani and his suave prosecuting ways? Well, for starters, not everyone is a fan of Paulie's new "methods." Look for allies to provide advice, as well as firepower along the way. Being an "ace shot" won't be enough, however, and despite the eight or nine firearms you can acquire, you're going to need help. This, understandably, comes in the form of The Darkness. As your engaged minds might glean from its self-evident name, this demonic side-kick of yours won't function well with a spotlight pinned on it, or on...well practically any day in Death Valley.

"If you can see light, you're in for a tough fight," my mother used to say. Okay, she never really said it. I didn't really ever say it either. I just thought a cheesy rhyming device would assist in teaching this esoteric mechanic of the game. So, yes, The Darkness (which, when summoned, causes your guns to do more damage, while providing an increased amount of shielding against enemy fire) would do best to stick to stick to sleezy back-alleys lit up only by the flash of gun muzzles and neon signs pointing to the local gentleman's club. Thankfully, this is where mobsters spend most of their time anyway. Choose to camp under a streetlight, and you'll see these powers slowly diminish until you can "recharge" them in a dark place again. It's an interesting mechanic, but it really just forces you to commit mass genocide against the light fixture community, and early on in the game when you don't have many firearms or much ammo, this can be slightly problematic.

While the gunplay meets the average standards of a conventional "shooter" in terms of variety (pistol, shotgun,assault rifle...rinse repeat) it's the Darkness powers that, while not ushering in a "quantum shift" in gameplay mechanics, are not just regulated to puzzle solving sections (as many shooters tend to do these days) and, if anything else, look terrifyingly cool. The first of these is called the creeping dark, which summons a small snake-like demon that slinks across all surfaces, capable of sneaking into "hard-to-fit" spaces, and scouting out areas before following with Jackie. Another, demon arm, functions as a bullet-less method to destroying light fixtures, while doubling as an effective melee attack, and also has limited usage in throwing cars as well as several other prop items in levels; and the "black hole" ability allows you to suck up enemies, and all surrounding items not bolted down into a vortex. This would obviously win originality points if Armed and Dangerous had not come up with the "black hole gun" several years before.

However, the "weapon that you will eventually find and senselessly exploit to the extent of not using any others" (it feels like every single game these days has one of these) are the aptly (and equally subtly) titled "darkness guns." That's right (and hold on to your seat belts, those that need things spelled out) they're guns...formed *SPOILERS* from The Darkness. Granted, bullet for bullet, they aren't as strong as many of your "higher end" firearms, but if you happen to find yourself bathed in pitch black darkness (Pitch Black, get it, the movie before Riddick) you don't ever have to worry about running out of bullets, or being hurt much.

Presentation is first-rate, but considering that it's a 2K produced title, such is almost a guarantee these days. Consider them as my favorite "large-scale" videogame producer; and if you aren't that familiar with them...they produced Bioshock. The environments on par with many of the better titles on the Xbox 360, offering varied locales, and the variety of phone numbers to call, faux advertisements covering the subway stations, as well as the graffiti art rendered from real graffiti sessions, was impressive. The gritty and dark atmosphere is fitting, and the use of shadows and lighting is impressive. The characters are a little "uncanny valley-esque" however. While you will rarely ever run into duplicates of the same character model, you will be asking yourself if Jackie looks more like he's in his mid-thirties than 21.

Yes, he looks much more like Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code than a 21 year old

And this looks at least a bit younger...or at the very least, looks way cooler.

The voice acting, as an ensemble, is strong. Kirk Acedevo as Jackie seems to suffer from the "world-weary apathy" school of voice acting that many leading male voice actors borrow from these days, but his performance isn't detrimental to the title...just average. Lauren Ambrose of Six Feet Under fame is excellent as Jenny, but *SPOILERS* there are reasons why you won't be able to enjoy her voice talents as much as you might want to. The clear surprise is Mike Patton as The Darkness. At first, you might find the voice abhorrent and annoying to put up with, but that's exactly the point. The script and strength in the dialogue writing only accentuates these strengths in the voice department.

Once the story's done, there's not a LOT to do, but there's enough to keep things interesting. Chances are you likely missed a couple of the optional sidequests...and unlike many games these days, all (or at least most) are still accessible. Perhaps the only thing that's gone for good would be the letters you acquire in *SPOILERS* Hell. The unlockables in this game are actually quite first-rate. Everything from readable comic issues of The Darkness and Witchblade, concept art, early 3-D renders of characters, even videos of how the graffiti was collected for the game, and then rendered into it. Other games could learn from this, as a lot of us want to know what went into creating a game, just as much as playing the end product.

The Recap: The Darkness securely fits the definition of the "sleeper hit" title; the critics will rave and the plebeians will pass over the title in favor of more familar fare. The production values are high, the storyline is compelling, especially many of the in-game first person sequences that convincingly advocate for an end to the "Sit back and watch" prerendered sequences, and while the gameplay isn't highly original, it provides enough nuances on a well-trod genre that it isn't bothersome. If you're ready to be challenged with the concept of a narrative FPS...The Darkness is an excellent example. If you'd rather stick to your DOOMs and Medal of Honors, that's fine. Just let me know when you'd like to move beyond "princess rescuing" and "killing nazis" as plot points. At that point, I'll happily escort you to the "Big Boy Table" of video games.

I have this odd addiction to The Darkness concept art, can't help it.

A Second Take: Why Gears of War Isn't Shit, But Close

A Second Take #1: Gears of War

This is the first segment in another feature that will likely, due to my inability to update on a regular basis, never see a second segment. But, if anything else, this will at least leave room for such a possibility.

Let me begin by saying this; I own Gears of War, I bought it of my own accord, around February of 2008, so I also likely paid full price. It was not a gift, nor was it spent using gift money. Simply put, I was looking for a new game, and noting the overwhelming consensus found in dozens of reviews that showered the game in praise: five stars here, 9.6 there, and a hearty "two thumbs up" all around. Unlike many titles, I had not followed the progression of the development of Gears. While it was the blockbuster "it" title for many Halo junkies holding over for volume three, for me, it was just a filler title altogether.

So, with this in mind, please note that I was not overly prepared to be a Gears fanatic. I didn't download all the trailers while feverishly salivating at the ingenious thought of adding chainsaws to conventional firearms...something that to Halo junkies was the equivalent of the particle accelerator, sliced bread, or Newton's laws of motion.

Like I said, this is "pure genius" to some people, the "second coming" possibly

Let this be said first and foremost about Gears of War that should irritate most individuals is that the single player campaign can easily be completed in around five or six hours by your average gamer, with experienced gamers reaching the credits in the three to four hour bracket. So, in a way, Epic was correct in noting that Gears was going to go places that no action game had gone before; an hourly completion time firmly in the single digits.

Now one might suggest that the "replay factor" in games is overly emphasized in the review process. While questioning this factor's role in the reviewing of games clearly merits a longer, in-depth analysis, allow me to say this; certain genres/series have expectations of how long titles falling into their respective categories should last. Action games usually fall between ten and twenty hours, though usually somewhere close to the median of fifteen. RPGs, in general, can go upwards of three digits, but most usually promise that it should take thirty to forty hours to finish a single completion of the game, supposing you aren't a perfectionist in your first play-through. Genres like "fighters" or "driving" generally don't have a robust campaign mode, and of course this is because of their dependency, as a genre, on multiplayer aspects.

So, to return to Gears, let me say that it neither hits the median or anywhere on the range of where an action game's campaign should last (and yes, the utilization of the mathematical terms in the first sentence of this paragraph are quite assuredly the extent of my math skills). Some will say this is relevant because Gears is meant to be valued primarily as a multiplayer game. While such could be debated, I think most of us could agree on this; certain genres are downright expected to have a "single player campaign" element that delivers at a minimum level of quality and length. Gears, falling into the action genre, clearly does not promote such.

For a while I wondered why he was so pissed off...then I realized how long the game was.

Gears of War is, for all intents and purposes, a glorified tech demo by Epic to showcase the Unreal Engine 3.0. It is meant to advertise its engine to other video game developers first, and sell copies, second. Now, let it be known that Epic is not the first to do such a thing. Back in 2001, Nintendo's Research and Development team put out Luigi's Mansion as a demonstration of the Gamecube's capabilities, specifically in regards to lighting and shadow effects. That game however scored firmly in the high sevens/low eights. Why did it not meet the same accolades that Gears recieved? 1. It lacked gruff space marines and 2. it didn't feature Mario, but instead his bastard brother.

After "completion time" my second "beef" with Gears is its downright lack of imagination/creativity in the creation of its IP. Mean-talkin' soldiers donned in weighty armor suits covered with skulls, fighting an alien species in a post-apocalyptic future. Thank God that doesn't sound eerily similar to something that rhymes with Starcraft or Halo, or if you allow for a mute protagonist, Half Life 2. We've seen broken down buildings and abandoned streets before with torn up roads and smashed cars.

Now, there's not much more I can say, because this is just an aesthetic judgment on my part. It offers nothing new, which with the lofty budget funding it, as well as the recently built engine to power it, it's a bit distressing. I couldn't help but feel that Epic would have some obligation to provide us with some earth-shattering example...but then I remembered how it used to sell its engine based upon the Unreal Tournament series. *groan* Before some of you lambast me for admitting that I will whole heartedly enjoy Fallout 3, let me say that I wouldn't impose the same obligations upon said series. For starters, the Fallout team did not just create an engine to showcase to others. In addition, they are merely working with the same scenario that they've used since the mid-90s when the first installment in the series came out, and are not presenting a new IP.

Ah, the Fallout series, proudly doing what Gears thinks is original for the past decade

I recognize that there are nuances between the two, from the alien invaders, to the moreso realistic setting of Fallout (in Washington DC) to the fact that we're comparing a solid action game, with an RPG/action hybrid (also conveniently known these days as the "American" RPG). But in terms of seeing the same setting in a supposedly new generation of games, accompanied by a new engine, I was hoping a "thought process retread" wasn't going to accompany it. Perhaps the best way of explaining this is the ever-present slogan of the Fallout series that "War...war never changes."

So, we've touched upon the unoriginal art design, despite the technical prowess clearly at their fingertips, as well as the fairly short campaign mode. Some would be inclined to point out just how amazing the cover-based combat system of Gears is. And while I won't disagree that there's a good amount of realism to be found in actually being able to take cover and blind fire, I will say that giving Gears the credit is entirely misplaced. Take a look at my Microsoft Paint diagram I've shoddily constructed: Yes, for those of you who can't read, and it's mostly my fault because I'm still new at this, cover-based combat was realized quite decently in Namco's 2003 release Kill Switch, it was somewhat honed by Gears, but to no significant extent, and is still being perfected in such titles as the recent Dark Sector. If you don't believe me, play Gears. Remember some of those expletive filled moments when you just could not get into/find cover? Much of that is gone in Dark Sector. If Epic's series had either started the gameplay system, or honed/perfected it to a great degree, we'd have something to talk about. But...in my opinion, we really don't.

To be honest, I could go on and on about the dreadful implications of Gears, especially the fact that it gave Halo junkies something to look forward to. Before certain people argue that it appears that I am advocating Microsoft to disassociate itself from what would appear to be a large bloc of the Xbox ownership, think about this: would you rather put out products that will be purchased by the hardcore gamers, probably at full price, on a monthly basis...or continue to collect Xbox Live fees from those only playing Gears and Halo online? Can one have the best of both worlds? I'm not entirely sure. The "Hardcore vs. Casual" argument that has been Nintendo's bane of the past year, may be knocking on Bill Gate's doorstep in no time. Of course, if it's Bill's doorstep, it will likely be shot dead by automated turrets or the three SWAT teams he keeps in his garage. Just thinking.

In summary, Gears is a great "first-impression" game. It looks great, plays decently, and has bearable voice acting. But, after enough exposure, it grinds down on you. You begin to realize you've played much more original titles with improved gameplay and dialogue that isn't littered with one-liners and slang, and a few hours in, seeing everything smouldering and in ruins isn't so entertaining anymore.

So workers of Gamestop, do not ask me if I'm pre-ordering Gears 2. At this point, I'd rather purchase some Nintendo shovelware. That's just how much I want nothing to do with it.